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Do’s and Don’ts of getting over a break-up.

Do’s and Don’ts of getting over a break-up (by a professional – me)

This is a bit of a wild fire post, and one I’ve thought about writing for a really long time and finally got round to. You could say it’s been years of heartbreak in the making, but now it is finally here in all it’s blood-spilled salty-pillowed glamour.

I seem to spend my life either getting over a break -up, or finally feeling good and together enough again to head for another sweet but doomed meeting of two souls, to then just repeat the cluster fuck process over and over again. It’s like a season change from HELL. No gentle falling leaves and dewy fresh mornings, just burning sun followed by Arctic depths of frozen soul encompassing nothingness.

A short disclaimer before we start – chances are this isn’t really going to help you get over your broken heart, but it has been well researched and tested among friends that are equally crap with relationships, and I reckon there’s a chance one of these tips may well just encourage you enough to drag yourself off your bedroom floor and back out into the world.
Also – I have written this from my perspective (as always), and I am fully aware that there are plenty of fuckgirls out there too.

Girl breathing underwater

First things first, break ups are SHIT, and as you get older they don’t seem to get easier, they get much, much harder. You’re going through the motions, you’ve got an endless list of unanswered questions, sometimes your up, sometimes your down, and sometimes you don’t even know or care. You start to feel better then feel guilty for feeling better or find one of his glossy lovely pubes on your towel and off we go again.

You need a helping hand.

Here are my 10 failsafe ways of giving the ‘getting over it’ process a kick up the arse:

1. Don’t listen to ANY music. No, really none.
I once listened to Adele’s second album on repeat after a break up and it 100% hindered my progress by about 2 months.
When I mentioned it to my sister she said;
‘Are you crazy?! Never listen to ANY music while you’re getting over someone, especially not Adele for fucks sake!’
And she’s right – music can take you to a faraway place, which can be fabulous, but if you’re not in a good frame of mind, it’s taking you on a trip right back down fuckboy memory lane.

2. Don’t go anywhere where there’s couples
What is it about when you break up with someone that everywhere you fucking go there’s a couple all over each other and it makes you feel sick and barren. Stay away from prime hotspots like: Parks, Supermarkets on a Sunday, doctor’s surgeries (oh god that one’s the worst isn’t it, ‘Oh I’m just so supportive’), and any romantic sounding activities. Be careful – they’re out there

3. Do remember even if they look happy they probably aren’t. (Now this one’s my absolute favourite)
In reference to number 2, bear in mind that even if they look happily coupled up, they probably aren’t and its definitely going to go wrong for them really, really soon.

4. Do surround yourself with strong, positive people.
Now’s the time to be picky about your company. You want to be around people that inspire you with their strength, independence and ambition. Go and meet a friend you feel fits that bill for coffee, and who knows what crazy inspiring liberating plans you will come out of it with.

5. Do that crazy thing you’ve always wanted to do but were too scared and thought was perhaps too wild and reckless.
Always wanted to spend a season in France riding donkeys while learning french and eating cheese by moonlight? Completing a yoga teacher training course in the Himalayas? Now’s your chance! I know right now it feels like your head is full of cotton wool, your heart is breaking and you’re too fragile to even get out of bed, but trust me, start to look forward and things will start to go that way. Force yourself.

free girl6. Do remember Bali is always a good idea. Or any travel in fact.
Make like Liz Gilbert in Eat Pray Love and when the going gets too tough – fuck off out of the country, and fast.
Eat, be spiritual, but avoid the fuckboys.

7. Do something selfless.
It could be to volunteer for a registered organisation, or it could be to have a cup of tea with that little old lady at the end of your street that could do with the company. Do something that doesn’t revolve around you and what is in your head and your feelings, you will be majorly surprised on the actual personal benefit and effect it has on your state of mind, by not initially even being about you at all.

8. Don’t keep them on your social media.
DELETE DELETE DELETE. Trust me, you’re prolonging the agony, and anyone can smile for the camera and look happy, even if their heart is in pieces on the floor in front of them just out of shot. It will trick you when you see it and you will feel shit. DELETE.

9. Get a bit angry.
I’m not advocating that anger is good, but at times like this it can be constructive. You deserved better and you didn’t get it, so now is the time to be selfish about what you want to do in life, and not waste more time on someone who wouldn’t waste theirs on you. Try to look in the direction you’re going, and get out there and rightfully claim what’s yours and what makes you feel good.

10. Don’t be afraid of going into therapy.
You don’t have to be bed-bound in pieces eating dry cereal waiting for someone to intervene and drag you by your hair before you go and sit in the mighty chair of consideration. I have been in and out of therapy since my teens, and I am not ashamed of it one bit. It’s pro-active and it’s taking responsibility, and when you feel like you have chewed the ear off every other willing listener in your life, it can be this weekly appointment that just about gets you through. Go go go.

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